My thoughts on turning 30
In a months’ time I will be waving goodbye to my 20’s *gulps wine*.
To be completely honest, this is something that I have been battling with for the past twelve months. As I have been told by many people age is just a number, I know! But this does not remove the feeling of dread or the fact that I struggle to say…’thirty’ out loud.
So why am I finding this number so damn daunting? There are many fantastic reasons for leaving the twenty year old me in the past, but for some reason I am clinging to my 20’s like a child clings to their security blanket.
The reasons I don’t want to let go
- I thought, I would have become an ‘adult’ by now. On occasion, I still eat cereal for dinner and go over to my friends houses to play video games (seeing that written, I’m suddenly realising why I’m single 😐)
- Frankly, ageing scares me. I guess this is exacerbated by the fact that I spend most of my days with teenagers and unfortunately ‘salty’ is now a part of my vocabulary. I like being the ‘younger teacher’ that students can relate too. I am by no means cool, but becoming “old” terrifies me. For a long time, like my lovely naive students, I thought that by the time you turn thirty, you are well and truly an adult which brings me to my next point.
- I’m not where I thought I would be… twenty year old me would be horrified that nearly thirty year old me is single and childless. I had my life all mapped out and I am a constant planner/ dreamer, after all I grew up on a diet of Disney. I thought that my life would be sorted by now: house, husband and baby. And right now I’m zero for three, but it’s alright because I refuse to be single shamed by others.
What am I doing about these fears and worries?
I am letting go of the plan or at least trying to. For most of last year it made me miserable and I was unable to see all the wonderful things I had in my life. Now I’m not letting go of wanting all of those things (hey, I’m not on the shelf yet!) but I’m releasing the plan and the constant pursuit of the “perfect” life. Because you know what? I know plenty of people who have all of these things and are not where they thought they would be at thirty. So as well as letting go of the plan, I am also trying to focus on the positive.
The reasons why I need to say goodbye
- I’m a better person then I was in my 20’s. A much better person. I didn’t like myself for most of my early 20’s. I mean, I used to be a selfish idiot. I got myself into situations that should never have happened, but I learnt from these situations and relationships. I have been the clingy can’t-live-without-you type. I have also unfortunately been the ‘other woman’. I am not proud of either of these situations and it’s something I am very happy to leave behind in my 20’s.
- Job satisfaction: I have done the corporate thing, the retail thing and the hospitality thing. I wasn’t great at any of these on reflection (I thought I was amazing at the time, but there was definitely reasons why I didn’t get the promotions I believed I so rightly deserved). I can safely say that I am good at my job and most days (there are always going to be some days where bed is a much better option) I like going to work.
- I have discovered exercise! I’m still working on the good nutrition (remember the cereal I mentioned earlier) and there are days when getting out of bed at 4.45 am sucks and I mean really sucks, but it does help me start my day on a happy note. And last but not least…
- I get to have an amazing dress up party with all of the people who have made me who I am today.
I also plan on having a few celebratory drinks at this party (okay maybe more than a few) to remove any residual fear. With less than a month to go, I am finally ready to say it: Bring on my thirties!
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