Why I’m not ready to have kids

I’m of a certain age where two things are happening:

• Many of my friends are having children, and
• Now that I’ve finally (their word, not mine) found a partner, people keep asking if I’m clucky yet.

In a word? No.

Let me be clear, I’m not anti-kid. I absolutely love my nephews and I adore all of my friends’ babies. I genuinely enjoy shopping for baby things, playing baby shower games (I’m really good at guessing the size of the pregnant belly) and going to little birthday parties.

But I know for a fact that I’m not ready for it all yet. I have a job, a mortgage and a lovely man who’ll make an amazing father, so the last piece of my life puzzle is a kid, right?

Women are told, pretty much from birth, that we grow up, get married and have children. Except I was never a participant in that decision, I’ve been more like an innocent bystander. Television, film, advertising and society in general have all told me that I should want this. But I don’t yet.

This feeling that I’m not ready, the feeling that resides deep in my gut, can be broken up into three reasons:

I really really really like my life

I’ve worked my butt off to buy a house, build a good reputation at work and to maintain my relationships. After years of putting in the hard yards, things are finally the way I want them to be and, if I’m honest, I’m too scared to press pause on it all.

And it isn’t just the big things in life. I don’t want the small things to change either. I like going out and not coming home till God-knows when. I like sleeping in. I like going to the movies on a weeknight. I like day drinking. I know that one day these things will seem irrelevant and my desire to have kids will outweigh them, but right now, I like doing whatever I want, whenever I want to do it.

The general idea scares the s**t out of me

The idea of giving birth makes my pelvic floor muscles contract… and not in a good way. I know women have been giving birth for two hundred thousand years (I checked), but I find the whole thing terrifying — absolutely terrifying.

We have evolved so much as humans, can’t this change too? Like in the next few years? I’m not alone in this, a British study found 35% of women felt this fear and 13% feel it so strongly it’s actually becomes a phobia. C’mon, bring back the stork! I would definitely trust a bird to deliver my baby (all wrapped up and everything) over me doing it.

And speaking of trust, the idea that I would be responsible for a child for more than a few hours makes me want to run for the proverbial hills. There are some days where I struggle to remember clothing and feeding myself, imagine my poor, fictional child! It would be running around naked and asking strangers for food.

It’s so very permanent

A baby is not a rental or a try-before-you-buy. The whole baby thing is for keeps.  For the rest of my life, I will feel responsible and connected to this person. I assume growing something inside you can have that effect.

These are the selfish reasons I tell myself. The fact that I bothered to examine my feelings so closely shows that I am not ready to be a mother yet. I am sure that I will feel the pull one day. I will hear a child laugh and my ovaries will vibrate with envy. And when that day comes, I know I’ll be ready to be the best mother I can be.

But for now, I will enjoy my mid-week movies and afternoon wine. I will also enjoy cuddling my friends’ babies and then handing them back.

Join in the conversation and comment below.