A visit from the dummy fairy

About a month ago, the ‘dummy fairy’ paid a visit to my three year old daughter, and boy was it an experience! For a long time my husband and I had been putting off taking her dummy away. Yes, we spoke about it, a lot, but could never bring ourselves to the point of no return and take it away. It was her safety blanket, her comforter, and in her little and very important world, it was hers. She didn’t just love it – she treasured it.

Making the decision

I’ll be honest with you – it was just as tough for us to make the decision to take the dummy away, as it was for her to adjust to life without it. Every time I thought about it I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Whenever I snuck into her room at night to check on her, she was always so peaceful with that dummy in her mouth, so I always thought to myself – why would I ever want to take that away from her? Not only for my own selfishness (because let’s face it, as parents who the hell would want to inflict any more hours of sleeplessness on themselves?), but also for her sake, I just couldn’t do it. I felt terrible at the thought of it.

But, as I was about to re-enter the ‘working mum’ world again, after having my second baby, my husband and I simply thought – if we don’t do it now, we never will. She was also involved and made the decision to leave her dummies out at her fairy door for herself (check out ‘Lil Fairy Door’ to order online, or Kmart for ‘The Fairy Kingdom Door set’ – amazing!), so we felt as though she was ready.

My husband took her out for a drive and then I pounced. All the dummies were gone in an instant and in their place we left some super cute fairy themed presents. She was stoked and so were we – so far so good.

And then… bedtime. Oh my… what had we done? It was tough. I knew it would be, but I think I truly underestimated how tough it was going to be on all of us. She cried, and I cried. My heart broke for her every time she asked for it.

We all know our little ones develop a strong connection to their comforter but what I had truly underestimated was the fact that I too, the parent in the situation, had also grown an attachment to it. Looking back, this is what made it so much harder. It was always easy to just give her the dummy when she was sad or over tired, and now I had lost my ‘go to’ – the one that ALWAYS worked, no matter the situation.

Sticking to it

So, our only solution was to ride it out together. Trust me – I thought of giving it back to her so many times but the thought of giving it back and then taking it away again was far too much to bear. So we just did it. We made it through. And although it was tough for a couple of weeks, she has not asked for it since and is truly better for it. She has matured in a way I couldn’t imagine.

As with all aspects of parenthood there is someone with an opinion. And I found that when it comes to the dummy, there are a lot of people out there with some very strong thoughts. Some who are so outspoken you would think that it was a soother from the devil. Let’s all just settle down a little bit, don’t you think? At the end of the day, if it gives you all some much-needed reprieve and you’re (I mean your little one) not ready to give it up, then don’t.

But, like us, if you feel as though they (and you!) are ready, then don’t feel guilty for making the call to take it away. Trust your instincts as a parent, because at the heart of it, you know your child – no one else does.

My advice

If you are all (and I stress… ALL) ready to embark on the ‘dummy fairy’ journey, here are some of my tips to get you through:

1. Timing is everything: If you feel it’s time, make sure your little one feels as though it’s their decision. Let them be a part of the process.
2. Don’t look back: Seriously…as hard as it may be, don’t give in. You will only make it harder on yourself later.
3. Don’t feel pressured: Take the dummy away only when you as a parent think it’s best.
4. Create a reason to give up the dummy (our daughter gave hers up thinking that it was going to a new baby – she loved this idea and it helped to teach her to think of others)
5. Give a reward: take your little one shopping, or choose your own small gift. Whatever it is, make a fuss.
6. Distractions: whenever a ‘dummy moment’ is about to occur, play a game, read a book, or have extra cuddles. Find something that works and stick to it.

I know I’m not alone with this.  What are your ideas on saying goodbye to the dummy, if you have decided to say goodbye to it at all? Join in the conversation!

If you’re interested, read more of Sarah’s posts here

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