Pregnancy: The best and worst feelings and emotions
This is part three guys! So far I’ve covered the best and worst commentary and resources during pregnancy and early parenting and it’s time for the final part of my three part series. The best and worst of the feels throughout pregnancy:
Uncertainty: With every new symptom came a rush of uncertainty and anxiety. How do I know if this is normal or not? (REMEMBER, no Googling!). How tired is ‘too tired’? At what point am I showing signs of iron deficiency? Was that a kick or a ruptured ligament? Is this labour? Don’t be so dramatic Kendall…
Self Doubt: There were times throughout my pregnancy I was filled with so much self doubt, unsure if I had the skills to be a good mum if I’d even like being a mum. I regularly asked myself: was I was tough enough to endure labour? (The answer to that is ‘absolutely not!’). This doubt would come and go and having supportive people around definitely helped.
Fear: Irrational, yet normal. The fear was sometimes quite overwhelming. I was scared of a lot of ‘what ifs’. What if my baby screams all night? What if I end up depressed? What if my baby is sick? Will labour be OK? What if my marriage is strained? Again, accepting the fear when is came was quite helpful and it always passed with the help of loved ones support.
Exhaustion: Those first 12 weeks were hard work- how can a poppy seed suck so much life out of me? I was napping every afternoon at my desk. I tried catching five minutes of shuteye between classes, while trying to be discrete and keeping my pregnancy on the down low. Then came the weight gain and by the third trimester, just getting out of a chair was all too much let alone climbing stairs to classrooms and dealing with teenagers and their fun and games. How do people manage pregnancies when they have other children?!
Frustration and Impatience: As my pregnancy progressed, I grew increasingly frustrated and intolerant. I was incredibly frustrated with my immobility and weight gain. Most of the time I celebrated my weight gain, however it was really tough being too big and achy to go for walks or participate in my usual daily life without pain and exhaustion. I lost patience waiting for my two week overdue baby and with people constantly asking ‘is the baby here yet?’. I tried to keep calm and rational. I did not have a lot of success with that, I must admit.
Hope: Being pregnant opened my eyes up to the goodness in people. In a world filled with tragedy and devastation, it’s easy to lose sight of the love and joy we are surrounded by. Being pregnant is a magnet for strangers who love to chat and wish you well. I saw a lot of good in people who I didn’t even know. It made my days so much more joyful and I hopeful.
Empowerment: Lots of people encourage and share the joy of other women’s pregnancies. The constant encouragement that was offered to me was heart warming. There are many women who dedicate time and energy to empowering women and in particular, mothers. This made me feel ready for the challenge ahead and reassured that I was going to be OK.
Excitement: The excitement and anticipation was intense. I’m not sure if it’s even worn off now! The excitement of ‘who is this child? When will they arrive? What will they look like? Excitement to tell people I was pregnant, to share the news of her arrival and her name. And of course others around me were showing extreme excitement for my husband and I, but also for themselves: First time grandparents, aunties/uncles etc. The list goes on and adds further joy to the day also.
Awe: So many times I found myself overwhelmed with awe at what my body was doing. The female egg is the size of a grain of sand and yet my body was able to grow my child into the incredibly complex human being she is today. Thousands of kilometers of blood vessels, a beating heart, fingers, toes, tears etc and all I had to do was keep fed and sleep as necessary. I find the miracle of life so inspiring and it is by far the greatest mystery of all. I still look at her with bewilderment. How did my body do it?!
Gratitude: I have felt grateful for so many things. For my pregnancy, my husband, my wolf pack, my home, my job, for paid maternity leave and taxes. For the FREE public health system that ensured my baby and I were continually thriving and that she was born safely in such a wonderfully safe and efficient hospital. For the highly trained medical staff that work there. I’ve never felt the same level of gratitude before being pregnant. I’m not sure why I couldn’t be more grateful prior, but I am so glad my eyes have been opened to the small, yet important, things that surround us.
What are some of your best and worst feelings and emotions? Share them with us!
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